How do you express homosexual feelings?

iMMO recently assessed Jamar*, a 40-year-old man from an African country where homosexuality is prohibited. His application for international protection was rejected because his sexual orientation (homosexuality) was deemed implausible.

During his interviews at the Immigration and Naturalisation Service (IND), he described the development of his friendship with his school friend. They had known each other since childhood, and when they both reached puberty, they secretly discovered their sexual orientation together. They were intimate and cared deeply for each other, but in public, they were no more than close school friends.

It is striking how Jamar repeatedly stated during the hearings that he didn’t know the words and didn’t know exactly what they were doing at the time or what the consequences would be. Their sexual intimacy was something they were discovering together for the first time; therefore, it remained secret, especially when it became clear to them that it was “not appropriate” and very dangerous.

Jamar’s friend was murdered after neighbors accused them of being homosexual. Jamar calls it “man-to-man business.” He subsequently fled abroad.

The iMMO investigation revealed that Jamar suffers from multiple psychological issues (specifically PTSD and depression) that, according to the Istanbul Protocol, are typical of the violence he describes. The psychologist describes how difficult it is for Jamar to mentalize.

Mentalization is the ability to understand and articulate one’s own thoughts, feelings, and motives—and those of others. This can be difficult due to various factors, such as intellectual disability, high stress, or because it wasn’t learned in the upbringing and culture in which one grew up. This can make it difficult to answer specific questions about one’s sexual orientation and its development.

In the Netherlands, we are accustomed to using words and expressing feelings. The development of sexual preference is discussed, including in the education system. However, in many cultures, this isn’t the case. Nevertheless, people applying for asylum are expected to be able to think and express themselves in the Dutch, rather direct, way.

This case illustrated the high expectations we can have for asylum seekers’ ability to articulate their emerging feelings or involvement with a queer community. Both mentalizing and using words for homosexual feelings can be entirely new to some.

*) Names have been changed.